Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
