I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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