couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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