hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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