Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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