And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
