Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
