She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
