There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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