You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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