she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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