the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize