she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
