someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
