He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
