she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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