i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
