don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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