I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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