lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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