He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
