You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
