Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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