...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
