How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
