I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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