FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
