I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
