i think my mom watched the whole time
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
