All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
