Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
