Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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