my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
