yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
