Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will be naked everywhere
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
