Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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