He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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