You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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