I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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