someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
