You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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