tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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