THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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