forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
