I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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