I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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