At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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