Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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