I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
