I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
