if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
