Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
