Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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