Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
