Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
