dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
