im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
