oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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