Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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