That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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