While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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