i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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