Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
