Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
