A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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