dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
