Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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