Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
