i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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