Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
