i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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