Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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