Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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